The title of this post has mostly to do with Jessie Ware’s album and my crazy obsession with it at the moment. (Or actually, now, a very prolonged moment that has now spanned months)
Lets start from the beginning.
Step 1: download a series and start watching it. My love for the characters, story and screenplay in “Looking” (series about gay men in san francisco and their ever search for whatever makes then happy or gets them through the day) is exceptional in my books.
They developed a story that doesnt hinge on the basic assumptions of what straight people percieve the LGBT community to be but instead turn each character into a version of the many colours that fill our community.
With season 2 (shamelessly also the last because it was cut by executives- a decision I am so annoyed by) the arcs of all the story lines brought about a change in all the characters in some way or form. Most importantly to me though was a light shining on the issue of loving two people at once.
The moment where it becomes a bit clearer, at a wedding, the couple is dancing and a song starts to play. That song was none other then ‘Say you Love me’ by Jessie Ware. It was extremely subtle and gave exactly what the scene needed. A poignance and romance that peeled off the screne as the third wheel in the relationship came into view and stared at the couple. I should say here that its a predicament I would never want to be in but I know that through how they wrote the season, it is extremely plausible. One never knows who one loves. But as you wait for it, there can be many who stand toe to toe with you and seem the perfect fit.
Anyways, on to more important things or rather back to my original point, this brings us to step 2.
Step 2: asking my brother to find out where I can get the music from and which album it is. It wasn’t long after that, that I had the album in my possession and it was in my phone.
Sitting one morning, a day or two after that, I decided to press play.
I HAVE NOT STOPPED PLAYING IT SINCE!
The first listen to the whole album brought about a transcendant experience. I fell in love with her voice, her passion that I feel, the arcs in the music, the different rhythms and beats.
It has strung me up and has not let me go since.
Occasionally getting a single off the pop charts which has interested me but this only distracted me for a day or two. Eventually I always end up back at the girl of my dreams. The voice that would for me launch 1000 ships.
Step 3: realising my intrigueing obsession at this point, I none the less continued to listen everyday on the way to work, in my free time, infecting other peoples phones with it, blaring it in my home at any opportunity I could (I did not live alone) and I love it everytime. As I am typing this, I am listening and enjoying its grace and carnal approach to expressing love, the loss of it and trying to hold onto it even longer.
Shortly after that, I saw a post on Facebook. This brings us to Step 4.
Step 4: if you got paid 10 000 dollars to tattoo the name of a song on your body, what song would it be?
And ofcourse, as you have read, I am obsessed with Tough Love. I proceeded to write my top 3 on that post’s comments but ended up writing the whole album would be down my rib cage.
The reply that came after the fact was only obvious to me once I read it:
Why don’t you just make it the album then.
I had my first tattoo springing to life in my head and I could feel it was the right thing to do.
This is where Step 5 or actually I dont remember why I am using the steps right now, so I am going to leave it. Because I have now reached my point of this blog post.
Why did I really feel this pull towards an album?
The reason I ended up at this question was simple. I am a perfectly logical person (sometimes the arian does show its explosiveness and I cant control what I say or do) and I gave myself till this December to decide if I really really wanted the tattoo.
I was going to talk to close friends about it and make sure that the tattoo would be everlasting. A symbol on me that would never age and would never outlive the reason for its existence on my body.
Please also note that before this revelation I was vehemantly against tattoos on my body. I just did not see the point.
But after talking to just one person at a mutual friends birthday party my true reasons came to light.
I realised also then the true power of this album in my life.
I was already living its ethos and experiencing TOUGH LOVE in my own life.
The personal issues plagueing me at the time of this revelation were being resolved through counselling and extensive and harsh decisions being made by myself to move forward with my life. I was realising that I was being hit very hard with it and from that point the album had even more power in my life. Its corny to say I know.
At one point I was “in-love” with Beyonce and her vocal talent to inspire a movement within me to gym like a crazy person and get what I wanted but it faded, as so did my resemblance of any chance of having a flat stomach and great arse.
Once this became clear to me, that the actual structure and words in this album were a life motto rather then just a love-loss, it dawned on me that I have been strong enough all this time to do what is necessary to get what I wanted. It has been a fullfilling couple of weeks since then and there is a new stronger mentality within me to take everything in my stride. Keep moving forward, looking at the obstacles and realising they only have momentary power, taking my time to get what I want does not mean I am failing and lastly,
Knowing that whenever I need a moment- the album will take me there. Give me a break. Give me a chance to breathe and discuss in my own head, whats next.